Brushed the Wrong Way
by innocide
Summary: Heiji would probably never have deigned to compete with a fellow detective of his own decision, if not for something Kazuha said. After that, Shinichi Kudo had a new rival in the making.Humor Oneshot. Implied Heiji/Kazuha


This idea came to mind as a sort of "what if" of characterization. As the plot bunnies seem to have found a new route to my fingers, this lovely was created. Review if you will, constructive criticism welcome.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Gosho Aoyama's properties, meaning the characters of Detective Conan (Case Closed) are not mine. If they were, I'd have whisked them all away to my own private island. If I had a private island.

**Brushed the Wrong Way**

"So when it came right down to it, he didn't really have anything to back up his story! His alibi was a lost cause once we figured that out!"

Heiji's day was one of _those _days. The ones where the sky, the earth, the leaves, the birdsong—everything is more beautiful than it has ever been, and you're aware and grateful for every breath of breeze that tickles your ears.

Even better; Kazuha was in a great mood as well, and was displaying fairly good interest in his detective stories. That, as they say, was the…well, Heiji couldn't be bothered to give it a good enough description at that time.

Later, he would say it was like the perfect glass of milk; bound to be spoiled.

"Well, 'Great Detective of the West', how do you stack up?"

"Come again?" Heiji was a bit deaf when asked to be humble.

"How good are you compared to other detectives? You talk all the time about fictional ones, and some of the local ones you've beaten, but never about anyone better than you."

Heiji was both incredulous and offended at the idea. "I can't think of any…not that there are."

"What about that foreigner guy whose been after that thief…Sakana Hakama?"

"Suguru Hakuba? No way, that guy only cares about thefts. He's 'prolly never caught a murderer in his whole life."

Kazuha found that statement somewhat ironic coming from Heiji, but didn't comment on it. "Well, there must be someone who you could compare to…oh wait! There's that, uh…" She trailed off, unable to remember the name she was searching for. "You know, that guy from that city that starts with "Bei", in Tokyo Prefecture."

Heiji said nothing, but his dry, straightforward gaze indicated that he did not know. Or care.

"Oh, I can almost place it, he's been mentioned a lot lately, bunch of girls were upset he hasn't been in the news forever…what did they _call_ him? Ku, ku, kuma? Kumei? Kuko…kuro…"

Heiji was just about to try and distract her with an invitation to his house for dinner, when she cut through the air with her declaration, scaring off a flight of crows with the name she uttered—a bad omen, Heiji thought.

"KUDO! Kudo Shinichi! Great Detective of the East! Him! What about him!" Her eyes sparkled in lovely way as she needled him with her knowledge; he wanted so very badly to speak how pretty he found it, but his male pride was starting to twitch its ears at what she was saying.

"Kudo? Yeah, I think I've heard of him. They totally took that title from mine! Copycat!"

"No no, he got named that when they decided you were the detective of the west; you're supposed to be a real pair, or something."

"Phe! Like he could ever match up to me. He couldn't bet me in a case, no way."

"Well, he has a very wide fanbase you know. The police in Tokyo supposedly can't do a thing without him, and he's supposed to be a real murderer magnet."

Again, Heiji did not "know". The word was starting to irritate him. Again, he tried to change the subject, but again she cut him off.

"It's no wonder really. He's really very good looking."

The earth stopped spinning right then. It simply ceased, and only Heiji seemed to notice. Kazuha continued onward for a small while, while he simply stood, dumbfounded at her comment. He had noticed Kazuha was a girl, of course. She wore halter tops, and short skirts. She wore clothes that were so tight he wondered at the fact that he and Mr. Toyama let her leave the house on weekends. She went to concerts, liked stuffed animals, and was known to attend the occasional sleepover with a female friend.

But never, _never, __**never, **__**never,**_ _**NEVER**_, had it ever occurred to him that it was even in her power to say something like….THAT.

By the time Kazuha noticed Heiji was not behind her, he was already halfway to his house, planning how long it would take him to pack a bag and hop a train to Tokyo.

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**OMAKE: The Truth of the Matter**

"So, you're staying with Mouri-san until you can find a way to change yourself back?"

"Yea, that's about it right there." Conan was jostled a bit more in his seat than the adults were; the ride back from the Holmes Retreat was a lot bumpier than the one in.

Silence overtook the pair as they contemplated their situation.

Conan regretted letting himself slip up, but he was sort of pleased. He wasn't all alone in this anymore; he had an ally, for whatever it was worth.

Heiji was THRILLED.

Not about having a new "little friend" as Kazuha would have put it (whether she had seen his stature first or not), but about…..

**His Victory. **

Yes, Kudo had beaten him initially. But he had seemed like a good enough guy, and had really impressed upon Heiji. And he and Ran-san seemed close.

In short, probably nothing to worry about. It seemed doubtful Kazuha's comment could ever amount to anything.

But _now…oh now…_

Now things were both a bit more serious and a bit more sweet.

On the one hand, he and Kudo had a sort of a bond now. Bonded by the secret, or whatever. He was thinking of seeing what he could do to help the guy out. Pretty bad situation, after all things considered. And it was a sort of a relief, meeting someone so similar to himself. Made him feel a little less like the squirrel in the songbird tree.

But on the other hand…..

Kudo was seven. Seven years old. Maybe a bit closer to six.

It just went to show—victory was both absolute AND ironic.

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Here stands yet another Plot Bunnie which manifested through attention to a FanFicZilla. Do not feed it, but feel free to review it.


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